Traumatic Death: When the death was violent or sudden, or involved a child

Your grief may become more complex and lengthy. We strongly encourage you to lean into God and seek help from a Christian Grief Counselor who specializes in your kind of loss.

Your reactions to the death may be very strong. Which may include:

  • Blaming yourself or others
  • Visualizing the death
  • Experiencing anger

A. Blame – blaming yourself or another for the death. Sometimes we do not understand the reason for the death of our loved one. The bible gives us many examples of blame. Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother would not have died.” John 11:21 KJV

“Now Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” John 11:21 NKJV

What Martha did not understand was that Jesus had a plan. He will use the death of your loved one for His glory, if you let Him.

B. Visualizing your loved one’s death during their last moments. This is normal. However, try to concentrate on your healing. If the visualization becomes obsessive or puts you in a hopeless state, seek help from a Christian grief counselor as soon as possible.
C. In the case of homicide, wanting to make the killer suffer is a normal thought. However, in order to heal fully you need to work toward forgiveness. Lean on God to help.
D. Asking why your loved one had to die over and over again is normal. This is part of working through your grief. The death of a loved one is something that is unbelievable.
E. Anger is a normal reaction to a violent death. The bible says “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down upon your wrath” Eph 4:26 NKJV

 

There are ways to cope with your pain:

  • Bring your pain to God. Lean on Him. “Jesus said … ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die'”. John 11:25–26, ESV
  • Remember you are not to blame. Sudden deaths such as suicide or murder can happen in any family. If you are blaming someone else for your loved ones death, forgiveness will help you heal. This may seem like a big step to take. Ask God to help you forgive.
  • Talk about your anger with someone you trust.
  • Talk with your family and friends about your loved one. Sharing the good times and the bad will bring healing.

 

If you are finding it difficult to cope, there are many sources of help available:

  • Christian Grief Counselors (Private Practice)
  • Hospice Grief Counselors
  • Your health care provider
  • Your employee assistance program (EAP)
  • Pastor/Religious Leader

 

Other organizations that may provide help:

Mental Health of America:
1-800-969-6642
www.mentalhealthamerica.net